A mamoth, a squirell , a tiger save a human child to its destiny......a plestanian boy calls the other to play football at the no mans land....a boyfriend jumps high enough to reach a bus window to hand his girlfriend a chocolate....a mother salutes to her dead son's martyr....and so many more.
yes we all have seen these "emotions"...again and again...some on television ... some in our lives...and we wonder...what makes our brain go suddenly for such a "brainless" activity, and i say brainless cause on all aspects one wouldnt do something like that on a normal given day.
hers again a story...like my other one's, something which may happen to many...its just that my emotions led me see them more deeply, and i share...so that you dont loose your last chance...as i did!
"why do u look like that?...as if ul kill me" i was questioned for i had the habit to look straight into the eyes of the person in context...I dont know if its with everybody..but if u really know a person i feel one has the power to look deeper than one wants to.....i actually damn cared to kill or to leave half dead, i never changed the way i looked untill i'd once seen which i never wanted to!
call me lucky but i always had people to sit and listen to me, it was always me who chose the one's i wanted to say something....my set of friends...my school...my network...and hopefully some fine day my work place as well....so i and jay were once sitting on the backyard of his old house and playing checkers....though we were not that kid....but we just happen to love that game since we were four. he was about to leave for his job or what should i say serving the country...it was pretty casual for me as by then..almost all my friends have moved out...i had the habit of realising the fact that now the time has come to walk "alone"....after the game we decided to have some coffee...fortunately he being the one to brew it....since filter was not my game!
his time was nearing up to leave for the station...after a two hours delay from the indian railways we were pretty much sure that after half and hour he'l be all set to go.....as we sat drinking that black "something".... he said something to himself with a chuckle
"mind talking?" i said
"nah, just feeling weird"... he had just one exclamation for evrythin on this planet...whatever din suit him was supposed to be weird! but he kept talking...and i let him...for i was sure we wont sit like this anymore and drink coffee...me still being in teens....he wont comeback for a longer time.
"you see this coffee...it tastes this good cause it has been worked upon for a longer time....zada mehenat lagi (more efforts were put)...and as u drink it slowly u realise that sooner or later the mug is going to be empty"
"so you having this empty mug feeling" by the look i knew it was a bad timing for a pathetic pj
"noh...im not feeling empty...im feeling overstuffed..overstuffed of everything that i havent let out till now.....theres so much to say...to so many people...but i aint got time...to baba...to ma...to evrybody"
it was time....we went outside...took a taxi and went to the station..since his parents were outstation i accompanied him....for something in me, told me...that he is really going to take a long time before i see him next .....
as he boarded the train he stood at the door looking below.. what?....i din know
"zada hero mat ban, go and take ur seat...il get back home safely" i joked
he kept standing at the door
the train started and he looked straight into my eyes "u remm i told u not to look like that...to people.....it was coz i was scared that someday you could read my mind"
he kept staring at me till the train moved off faster......."theres so much to stay" these words kept ringing in my ears again and again.....
since we shared a childhood friendship..there was no question that he tried conveying a deeper meaning or whatsoever...coz i being me...knew almost everything of him...his first smoke...drink...girl...and even dope!...there was no secret that he din share...it was different...there was something more...a void!
for the first time i was ashamed.....for i failed to read my best friends mind.....the train moved faster and faster..and he blurred into the thin air.... i failed to know him for the first and the last time!
jay never cameback....he got lost somewhere...into the crowds....for reasons which even those high profile military guys din tell us. we all waited for him for 4 years....untill i was sure that i knew what that look in his eyes meant! i realised that "something" in him knew that he wont get another chance to say how he felt for all of us.......it was the look which told me that he wont be there to sit and stare!............its just that i din want myself to believe....a loss was something which became more casual than i could take...by then i had lost on many and i din want to loose him.....but as i said...u never know with emotions...unless uv faced them death hard!
that was another of a summer morning ....when i went to his ma .... she was bussy with her home nitty grities when suddenly something punched me hard deep inside and i blurted..
"aunty, jay loved u very much" ...as i stared at her...i could see the same look...that same stare....that same void, that jay had....right on those stairs! and with all my trust..i know...that at that very moment she could read me of what i felt!
after that day we waited no more! ... coz we knew...jay was inside all of us.....weather he be dead or alive....he will be with us always! .... as love is something that we share, even when we do not exist!
that palestanian boy....that mother of a dead child and those innumerable people who want to convey the feeling of love through different emotions...have it in them...the feeling of unknown bonding..... way before they know themselves!
and now .... when i stare at masses...i see all those....who dont realise that they have the power to read millions even without listening once....i search for that single eye...which would stare back at me and give me my second chance...the one which i lost 5 years back!
the one which would never comeback!
P.s. the names are changed for reasons well known!
9 comments:
hmm...nice1
This gruelling world takes a lot of things from ur life.....and that is when u stare back to look for the lost ones.....most of us do .....but i didnt get nething wen i looked back,,,so i started looking ahead....with the pieces of past bonded with my heart....:)...
thanku sonal and indrajoy for the comments.
for indrajoy...
i would say that u were lucky that u din get to see hard things when u looked back....but in my life....i get to see evrything when i turn back....and when i see all the hard things...i value happiness more....guess we both are lucky in our own ways :)
Oracle
follow mw up here
ur 1st blog i read!!.itsa reflection of how much u cherish dose who r close to u...n it made me realise i myself have wasted so many chances..cud ve made so many moments golden 4 life..cud've had so much dt i lost...
thanku priya and thanku smriti so much for the comment....
i still believe its never too late to cherish people who are close to u...be it in past or in future....when one learns to enjoy relations..one learns to live!
keep blogging :)
Oracle
its an emmense power that one has to know what others are thinking. and by reading what you have writen i must say that someday even i would like to try that power, if i have one.
shashank
tell here when he comes back again....
waitin...
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