Ashes

"Im leaving on a jet plane ... dont knw when il be back again..Oh
babe..I hate to go......"

May be my umpteenth listen to this song...still i feel the same as i
had felt the first time ever when i heard this song.....A fathomless
feeling...far and unkempt..no matter how much u try..u just cant get
over this feeling...the feeling of missing!
and i leave it to that...coz the substance of missing is too hard to
categorize...

I have heard my late grandma saying she missed the old
banyan tree of her first home, my uncle missing his old broadset
radio, my friend missing her boyfriend....and many more to miss.I too miss to share these songs with someone...miss to share my closet
anymore with my kid friend...miss to play hide and seek with my
brothers....miss so much with so many people...I miss all thats not
mine and all that wont be mine!

I might sound selfish..but deep down inside u will realise that even you
are a part of this bluff game..when u listen to an old song...when u write something for the first
time..when u see something that uv never seen before...or just when u
sit silent...u miss all those with whome you want to share all these
moments..even in a crowded room, u just might feel 'god, why isnt she
here'...
I feel..I miss and then I cry....and today if Iv accepted the void in me...i realise that unlike every
secong 'girl' i dont miss a 'boyfriend'..rather i miss a companion just
'my kind'....I dont miss branded stuff, cd's and coffee shops....I
miss my school library....On speeding cars .. i dont miss to pull
brakes, but what i do miss is to drive ahead with a friend, on a long
road, with John Denver playing...just as it was 2 years back!
and by all these im no philosopher or an old school girl...I am what exactly you are...cause a patient thought will make u believe that all that uv been thinkin that ur missing are not the ones actually you do...
if its words that u think u miss...then trust me its the spaces between them that ur actually missing!

Incomprehensible? .. yes i can be...cause even i took 2 complete years to find what do i exactly miss! or rather what do people call void? and what id found is that.. what id never imagined!
If it was my old life that i missed...i was wrong....its just that the absence of those people in my present life is what i missed!



I woke up today morning and after 8 years i heard mom in the kitchen...as past 8 years she walked to her work before i used to wake..and if someday she used to be on leave it used to be my turn to walk before...You might not feel what i felt...as you might have never known to wake up alone...munch a peice of something cold and insignificant....wash, pack
and run all that when u were 14 and officially living in a home full of people...

Letme tell u...no matter how much u reason and how much u get into the understanding mode..u feel 'damn..why isnt there anybody to feed me
somethin better'....but then u walk off..as u know "if ur mom's working
she is working for u" and if not that then theres nothin better you can cook for urself.

As i said its too large to categorize....but each day..while u drive...u work...listen...eat...walk..or sleep u do feel a void...for something or somebody thats relative....but at the end uv got nothing
better to do than just ignore and work on...as iv been doing till date....and if by chance u dont feel the space...just halt and thank God for ur amongst the few..who are blessed to be complete..
for the rest of us...the world is still incomplete!

Find your 'missing link' before it vanishes into the ashes of time!