My Story!

I was running ...we were playing "catch me if u can" ..... we were
supposed to catch the ten PM metro....i kept running....as i scuffled
inside the station...i cud see the train standing....i ran inside and
the door closed behind me....i was short of breath...for a while i
stood still catching up my breath...as the train started to move...i
looked behind..he was nowhere to be found....i watched out of the metro
window....he was running on the station all laughing....as he ran
towards the closed train.....i ran towards the last coupe.....as the
train sped up....it went all black...he was no where to be found.....i
was alone...lost into the blackness of the tunnel....going far away
from him....my heart skipped few beats....my breath still trying to
make me peace....the blackness all around over-roomed the light inside
the train...his face was all that i saw each time my eyes closed....i
kept on watching his face..and as i drew apart my eyes i could see the
faint light coming from the next station....the train stopped....the
doors opened again...i did not turn...for i knew he would be
there...there wud be nothing that could stop him frm being there...he
stepped in catching up with himself ... looked into my eyes and said
"Im there"....and i realised i can not live without him!



I could never imagine a self of mine reliant and dependent...i was
proud that i would never need a support of an opposite
gender....something which i felt an elixir to my living....my strength
was my soul....each time i felt that im alone....i knew that the inner
strength of mine is there to make me strong....make me as hard as a
rock so that nothing could effect me...but hardly i knew that Il
change...not for somebody but for something.....as always iv been proud
of my past..my childhood...my school days....my friends...my
family...and when i stepped out of that small shell of mine...i could
see all that...that i was protected from.."protected" a big
word....indeed, i know..i was lucky for i had never seen relations
breaking..i had never seen sadness in the eyes of a lost soul....i had
never seen empty beings banging floors to make them heard by
someone.....for i was in a make belief of goodness....a utopia of my
own..where love was not a feeling of life..but life itself.
I changed not to have my past back...but i changed to save my utopia
from all the harsh reality around.....evrynight as i walked back my
room ... i had seen women waiting at the bus stations from
brothels...no i din loath them rather i saw the sadness ...which im
sure that visitor of hers wud also see...i had seen street children
eating left overs.....we all see...but we dont wait and think.....they
gave me a sullen look...as if i was there to debar them frm there piece
of small happiness....i had seen big luxury cars sweeping by my
side...so many of them going back to empty rooms...so many would find
no one to talk too.and as i reached to unlock my door...i felt all of
that and more....when u are overstuffed of affection...you loath urself
for not receiving the minutest of it....all of us who live alone must
have missed that unshared laughter after late night dinner...that "adda"
over a cup of coffee...and that love for simply being yourself....if i
changed...i changed to save all these for me...i changed for i was
selfish of my own happiness....but no matter how you adapt to the
change..this world is far bigger to adapt it....

He left me...I could see him drifting away from all that we were...his
ambitions were bigger than mine...his dreams were no more suitable of
mine....i was that daffodil that grew older with the age and no more
bloomed in the midnight for the only moon....this time no one
spoke...no one laughed...as we met at the national park....it was night
and just like our first meet...we stood at the corner parkbench...from
where we could see the ice skating rink....for the first time i read
what was written on the park bench...."for sherly.... where ever you
are"....i felt as if i was the one to have written it for some shirly
whom iv lost somewhere.....we din speak...whn it was 9:30 we started
walking towards the metro for my ten PM metro....we din ran...we just
walked...for both of us knew that each step meant crossing a million
hurdles....as i reached the station....my train was standing....as i
stepped in, the door closed....i again ran back to the last coupe...but
he did not run towards the closed train...he did not run towards
me...and yet again the blackness over roomed me.....his face flashed
each time i closed my eyes...i kept my eyes closed not because i wanted
to keep on looking at his face...but becoz i knew that it was my last
piece of happiness...because the next time i open my eyes i would see
that sadness..that lonliness..and that unfaithful air that would leave
me naked to all the badness around.....and as i opend my eyes....i cud
see the light coming from next station...the more i loved the
darkness..more the light grew brighter.....the train stopped ...doors
opened and doors closed...but there was no one to say "Im there".

Chapter one!

I was hogging on to Chinese in a 'no disturbance' mode...when I suddenly realized a fork entering my domain and trying to sneak in some of my "chow-chow" (noodles :) )... with a freaky smile I said "dare not" and with a more freakier one he was ready to sneak out some more....but then it was our last day together so I let him have his day....well he might not remember this fraction of a second fun game...but that happened some four years back when one of my bestest friends left for his job!.....

and no this blog is not on him( he hasn’t done anything worth a whole blog :))...this blog is for all those moments iv shared with him ....

so I’m sure you must be thinking again...another of the same kind....clichéd blogs of pain and joy...but can't help it. I am so badly obsessed with all of these people around me that I just cant imagine to foray into writing something different unless I have something for all of them :) .... but yah the list is not never ending so all those who visit my blogs and do not comment...waiting for that different blog ill write someday. I say...be patient...for few more are left and they are special...so I might just take time to write about them :)


As I was mentioning about that dude who belongs to be one of my closest friends lemme say...he is no James Bond...rather he is a little messed up guy with his hair and mind never on one place....so all these years while I tried to figure out one special thing that he has so that I can feel proud of him....unfortunately I din find any....be it those cheeky video games or a game as stupid as 'bagadully' (I’m sure most of you haven’t even heard its name)....we used to end up fighting ....more clearly me shouting on him....


so one fine day I was sitting on my porch and he dropped in....for the first time we were not playing something....we were chatting(trust me its a task to get something out of him....cz the more he pretends to be open...the more he is a shut mug!)...talking all nonsense that one could do...slowly as time passed I realized that its not he who is telling me all his secrets but rather its me who is blurting out everything to him.....and finally when he left...I could fathom that although he has been one of the most naughtiest brother I ever had he was also the best friend ill ever have...be it my math problems....my marks.... my friends....on that 3 hour chat i hd practically told him everything that was preoccupying me.....


time passed from days to years...my problems were not that big...I knew....but for whatever I had no solution, I just had one answer...dial him!Coming back to his last few days...and by that I don mean...we dint meet after that...rather recently we had real fun together...but by last I mean those days when "everyday" meets would be no more....

i went to pack his bag....he was thrilled to step into a different city...meet different people....so all the while as i was shouting on him....getting angry as to why he hasn't ironed his clothes and why is he not helping me in packing his stuff....i had my clock ticking....the more i wanted to share things with him....the more the clock went faster....and my time ran out .... He went ...on his way to a new world!

that day I was walking back home....all those memories of him teaching me math...helping me to keep guys at bay...making me learn simple rules....playing video games...drinking coffee.....and so much more... I realized that though god din give me my own brother he sent me him.....My soul saver went away....and I failed to tell him that he was one of those best things in my life that happened till then..... not that he sat with me four hours banging his head to make me pass my exams...neither that he was fun to be with....rather he is fun to everybody...its just those 17 years that we were together...since childhood.... that flashed my memory making me feel that he was that untold brother whome i can confide...find trust and feel secure...



last month we had our old school of friends to gather up while his sister got married....after a long time I could be all that i was....i could shout without any reason and no body got angry :) ... i could ask for innumerable ice creams....i could grab everything and anything that belonged to him .... small fights...small talks...made me remember all those days when I was a kid...and now that iv grown up and there are innumerable things that I can't share with him....I feel over stuffed...overstuffed of all those bigger problems in my life that he might not understand...overstuffed of all the badness in me that has accumulated and thers no one i can share.......not that i dont have people to share things. I have and they are special too...its just that they belong to another part of me...just like theirs...his place is irreplaceable, for call it my incapability, I cant accept new people to help me out of problems...as i dont trust anybody other than few....my clock stopped that day when he went away four years back...


time flies and its true....those few days went by like anything...and once again the game was over... and now in a short span of time as we would live thousand miles away in different cities....where meetings would turn out to be very rare...I would not wait to say that he was precious to me ....he was the brother i never had...and the friend who i can never replace...yes its true he din have any 'one' special thing to mention...rather he was irritating....naughty and weird....but in everything he was...he made all of us complete!

and today even after knowing that in the coming years how less we might talk or share.....I would say that I’m proud of him.... with all the lessons Iv learnt yet......unknowingly he has taught me the best one.......to live life fullest!

"Crying and cribbing wont get you anywhere...be responsible and follow your dreams"....someday I wish I could follow what he said to me..

cheers to you and your success!