Sunday, April 27, 2008

A Generation Within!

Note: This article is about publishing W.A.Y.S. a college magazine, and about those people who worked for it.

"Desire is relative, Iv seen changing them into passion for some and for others it plain dries up being just another kind of a dream... A dream which never meets its reality. But when it turns into passion, it turns in to be your morpheous, it shapes you the way you should be and not the way you want to be. And in the whole process it finds what is your golden key...what is that one thing, that only you have and nobody else. Slowly, it makes you fall in love with yourself. "

Flashback :)

Someday in march, 2005

This was our first meeting, after a lot of commotion somehow all could make up for the time that was given we were four from the first year and rest all our seniors, although we all were pretty uncomfortable with all that was going on, I was on the better side for atleast I was given something do (to list all that has to be done in the next meeting) than the rest of firsties who were just suppose to sit and listen. Anyway as it went, I could hardly find anything worth "interesting" that would make me work for W.A.Y.S., my college editorial board.

somehow as days passed we(the firsties) were being called at ungodly hours to do the errands, write fix and match stuff such as one liners, fillers and all that was not important or which people hardly read. We hardly being selected, somehow realised that we were not so "important" in this league of people, who by some lable were tagged as elite. may be cz they could just make through campus selections or good B schools or may be they were the only worthwhile lot that our college had. anyway I wasnt sure off, untill the day arrived!

the day which fueld something in me...which lasts till date. something which for the first time made me realise that "may be" this is where I belong. On a sunday afternoon mid 3'0 clock i was being called up at the infamous "sky computers" where the so called Ed-board used to eat, sleep and drink. being that "faithfull" firstie i went running and slogging to reach at the exact time I was given. As I entered I could see two of my seniors looking morbidly into one PC which did something called as "typesetting" (had hardly heard of that word till then :)) as I walked in the scene went...

Adit sir: Debashree, WAYS ke liye poem likhni hai (have to write a poem for the mag) okay?

Debashree: Okay sir, il try and will give you

Adit sir (looking as if its normal) : Now, in ten minutes!

Debashree: what!!!now?? a poem? just like that?

..all looking weirdly at each other..

Any how I sat writing something, which even I wasnt sure of what it would turn out to be. and melting everything I had inside I wrote something which I was very proud off (thinking Iv masterd being an editor) proudly as I went showing it to my seniors.... the reply was...

"this is really bad, really really bad" with all the effort I could muster up, I sat again trying my so called writing skills at high....second try...another failure!

And then one amongst those two seniors comes and says something like this, "see we are all passionate about this thing. I hope you understand that. we work for it because we believe in it. and writing something for it means taking out that feeling which stays in all of us. so while you write, make sure you dont write it for yourself, write it for all of "us", write it for the edboard!"

I dont know what struck me that day, was it those words "writing it for the ed board" or was it the way that one of those eddies said it to me... Im still confused, but something in me was awakend. although W.A.Y.S. was not something created by me, neither I was a hardcore editor till then. But right in between those words and the way it was said I realised that one day I would want to have that same passion in me when I would talk about "ed-board". May be an Insignificant spark was born.

Years passed, from being a firstie... we four went to become thirdies. Where no more we were said to listen to something, we were asked of how would we like it to be. Where we did not work at ungodly hours because we were being called up, but we worked at those hours because rest all were occupied by our coachings, classes and all that stood important second to our magazine. Till then that small, insignificant spark did catch up being a fire in itself.

This was another evening at the "sky computers", the whole edboard was buzzing with something or the other as the mag was about to go for prints.... one of the then fourthies was jogging round the room, all to pacify his anxiety for the mag to go for prints...and then suddenly turning towards me speaks:

Prakhar sir: Debashree, we have to write an ending for our mag. something which would define evrything!

Debashree: (reading in mind "something which would define everything") Okay sir, Il try.

Once agian I was in a fix, to write something that has to be good and practically with no time to think...I took up one corner and for five seconds my brain was shutoff and I questioned "what if it would have been my magazine?" I got my answer, the same that I had the day when I was told to write "for the ed-board" and not just for me. I realised that this dream is just not mine, it was of somebody... it is of somebody and one day it will be mine. I wrote something and 2007 mag went for a roll....I could still see those tears of our then senior while that mag was being released. Something that made me realise that may be its time that the insignificant fire in me starts burning, so that one day I can feel and fathom the same.

Now, 26th april 2008

The time has come, that small fire was burning so bright that each passing day as our team worked, I could feel that same passion being shared by all four of us. Evry single night that boys of our team spent working at prints, Everysingle fight, heated arguments over articles and not meeting deadlines, differences over opinions, workloads, over the top fund raising crunch and not to forget working, working day in day out just for the sake that the fire that burns in all of us dosnt fades out, almost evry single damn thing that can happen in this world of publishing a magazine took over us. Working for mag went about being a synonym to sleeping and drinking...

I could feel the same commotion on the last days at the prints that I felt three years back on my first meeting, we forthies and two of the thirdies were working on the final stuffs, last moment editions, typesetting, coral draw mal functions, PC's getting over loaded and not working(almost dieing), few hot samosas, one big bottle of fanta( as Prateek dosnt take anything thats black ;)), laughing at Yash for his arbit nonsensical jokes, laughing at abhijeet and vivek for creating W.A.Y.S. 'incorporation', offering Almaas( the little boy at prints who was a dude at type setting) to drink from the same bottle of fanta as we were drinking......almost evrything that was a crap to the outer world was the last burning flame of the passion named Ed-board to me, yash, sonal and prateek. we were living its last, our desire to publish a magazine which was ignited by few of our seniors and slowly passed on to us had turned out to be a dream that was meeting its reality for the first time.

we were lucky for we could live our own dream, not many of us are that lucky. We were lucky for beyond all odds, WAYS 2008 was on roll.

One evening 7:30 pm GEC, as I and vivek( one of the thirdies) were waiting for some magazine work, I spoke something about how one should feel for mag...and while I was speaking...I realised that I was passing on the same passion that someone did to me....I was silently passing on the dream of W.A.Y.S. 2009 to the future of tomorrow.

The magazine still awating to be printed, today I realise that may be someday, four of us would be passionate in the same way for something else... I realised that may be Edboard was the best thing that could have happend to few us in the past four years. For its not me nor you, nor any one person who has made this reality, true to its name its we and you together that we have made it a success.

A success to awaken the sleeping generation in all of us!

P.s. Ed-Board 2004-2005 Adit Sharma sir, Ritwick sir, Nimkee mam

Ed-Board 2005-2006 Abhinav Sharma sir, Suniel sir, Vibhaas sir

Ed-Board 2006-2007 Prakhar sir, Kartikey sir, Shailja mam, Teena mam, Shweta mam

Ed- Board 2007-2008 Akshat, Debashree, Prateek, Sonal, Sania, Yash, Abhijeet, Devansh, Vivek, Poorna, Dhananjai, Kalyani, Abhilasha, Aditya, Ankit, Kartik, Shubha, Shruti, Navtej, Neelabh, Shashank, Rashmi, Ankita, Priyanka and all those who were a part of us!

Friday, April 4, 2008

In the temple of my heart...

Something happened two days back, something which I can call as one of the biggest days of my life. No, I didn’t achieve any thing neither did I lose. May be I just realized few things or may be I just lived myself for that day!

I went for an interview for one of the MBA colleges. No, that wasn’t big enough to make that day great. It was usual, I was anxious as everybody else was, I was nervous for somehow I did not “fit” in there. But I guess nobody “fitted” there, everybody just tried to fix in. so all the while I waited for my interview call, a girl sat beside me for she was slated to go right after me in the same panel. And we had a conversation, something like this…

Girl: Hi, you look nervous!
I: Do I? But I don’t feel so J (A fake smile)
Girl: so are you prepared?
I: well (pause), No
Girl: (looking absurdly) okay, but then I guess you must be confident J
I: well (pause), No
Girl: (could hardly fake a smile) I hope you make it!
I: You do? Really? (God knows why the hell I asked that question)
Girl: (just a smile this time)
I: I don’t thing anybody out here wants anybody else to “make in”
Girl: (as if watching a deaf man talking), All the best!
I: Thank you (I forgot to wish her back, didn’t know whether I really wanted to!!)


I was called in, was thrown up with few uncomfortable questions or rather few questions which I couldn’t answer. I messed up, for all the time I wasn’t given the time for answering. I wished if I could somehow tell that person that I have come here to show you what I’m made off, my parents back thousand miles pray for me, my close friends are worried about me and here I am losing my chance just to talk! My interview was over and I walked out. For the first time I was walking out of something demoralized, weird and coy.

As I picked up my bag, my cell buzzed…
An old friend of mine (with whom I had practically no contact since past four years after school) messaged me

“Hey miss sunshine, how’s you. I came to know that this is your the big day
So just go and do it babe… show them what you are made up off.
Yours
Tichchy”

I kept my cell back, started walking off the corridor and I realized that since this morning, there was no single time that I was pretentious. I didn’t fake; I didn’t try and act smart. I realized that when I didn’t wish that girl sitting by my side good luck it was because I didn’t want to. I realized that my interview was not good, because may be I’m not that good.
And may be its time I realize that all those people who prayed for me, wished me from far lands just so that I make it big. I might actually not deserve it. I was feeling low and was being intolerant. I called back at that number from which tichchy messaged me.
After a long time someone picked up
She was over enthusiastic when she heard me; she hoped that I did perform real good…
Since we were talking almost after 4 years, it was something great for both of us. I didn’t have the courage to tell her that I messed it up. I didn’t have the courage to tell her that I may not be that good. So I kept the phone down and messaged her…

“yar I tried telling you…that I didn’t perform well inside. Thanks that you took the initiative to know about me, what I’m doing, where I am…after such a long time. But I guess I’ll have to let u guys down. I just didn’t do well. I wasn’t that smart to fake out answers which I could easily do at some place else. I just didn’t try to be somebody else and may be that’s why it didn’t go well”

She didn’t call back, may be coz she knew me better than I did myself…she just wrote

“Babe, you know what’s best. That you had the courage to face something which you did know is going wrong…and I’m sure just like our old days… you come down to your real self when things go harder. Don’t worry babes. You were great, may be not for those guys but for yourself, for us. Because you, were just you. And don’t you worry about us. We were. We are and we will be proud of you. Not because some certain interview you messed up, but because you were strong to learn that you were not good”

I was walking with my friend back to the outside gates and I was watching all those people, who were trying to be somebody else, trying to be their best, trying to outsmart the person sitting right besides them. They all were ‘trying’ to dig deep inside and find their own sunshine. And when they realize that they don’t have it, they tried faking it. Every single person around me was masking something or the other, my friend did, that girl out there did and may be I did till the moment I stepped inside that corridor and now I was walking out of it. But for the first time I dared to be myself, no matter how much weird, rude, illogical or dumb I was. I was just myself.
I might have lost the chance to be somebody and win the bet. I didn’t and I don’t know why.
Something struck me, that of everything I’m made off; I won’t be a farce like the rest hundred. I won’t be jealous of someone for she can fake better than me. I won’t be a pseudo namesake. I’ll be what I am and may be someday I’ll win the game just being who I am. May be someday I wont have to “think” of an answer when I would be asked what I want to be. May be someday I wont have to be a floated balloon which will burst into its miniscule with just a pin prick. May be someday I’ll be my own god.

I don’t know whether I’ll pass or fail that interview test. But I certainly know that I can be myself even when I’ll be dead because of it. I certainly know that deep down south of my heart I have that burning sunshine.

Somewhere I read

“To be visible, just burn your self”

Now I certainly know that I’m proud of myself for what I am, beyond success…beyond failures!