Thursday, January 3, 2013

Time Warp

Forget what we’re told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that’s bursting into life….

There are experiences you promise never to re-live, but right on a perfect day, it will come, wash your life away and make insanity the synonym to anything you feel. Is there a perfect world? Where there are people who fight and live because of you? Where there are those who would defy death because of their people who need them. Is there a kingdom where law provides for one to live for others?

I was 17 and I saw a shattered heart, broken into pieces one would not dare to count.

Heartbreak, to me the most underrated word on this lonely planet and the only planet where love exists. She used to close the bathroom door, walk across the other side of the shower and wash away her tears. Was the pain too much to show? Was the pain for losing a loved one? Or was the pain of an entirely different emotion not been touched yet. That pain which breaks the extreme bone of your healthy living is not because a man, a son, a mother has left you… The pain is the experience of a person who holds the significance of a world to you, not fighting for you. That one moment which defines life, not being able to fight back and win you.

The women I stated she lost a son, to a time which would never return. For her it was the pack of cards called life which came falling apart on a sunny afternoon to a history which no one would care finding out. The lady with long hairs living next to my flat after 10 years of waking up to the same person lost him to someone else. The man who holds the key to my existence lost his father. Just like a maple tree I saw the leaves around me shattered, torn, pained not because they have lost someone but because that someone failed to fight for them. Failed to fight the living hell and survive. The reason be health, suffering or love. He failed… They failed.

8 years later, the leaf was me. The girl behind the shower was right in my room, the lost person was mine. Was I angry that I lost someone? Was I angry for an incomplete story? Or was I angry to be a lost fight.

I liked walking, walking miles on lonely roads with no end. I liked the smell of talcum. Like all I lived with an emotion that yes I would be saved, I would be fought for and won over any difficulty I lay bare.

When I was five, I had a man who fought for me. I still have him and as forever will come and go… I have come to believe he would be the only one I will ever have.

He would be my only perfect world.

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world.
Forget what we are told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that’s bursting into life.

                  – ‘Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol’

9 comments:

Suvi said...

Poignant..as ever..but so so sad..
Cheer up babe..there is light at the end of the tunnel..

Dev said...

To tell you the truth, now is the time your life will begin. After you have shed the illusions of a picture perfect life. Thats when it starts rolling.
Advice: keep breathing.

Anonymous said...

A good one and like your other blogs, very honest.

Anonymous said...

No comments dear

Megha said...

very true and very sad. but dear your blogs always have made me feel what you write.

samaranand's take said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
samaranand's take said...

Thought provoking as usual. Very well written.

Anonymous said...

Intense and unfortunately true. We all have just one hero.

samaranand's take said...

Quite gripping and gritty ....